LYA LOVE LETTERS ๐
The best relationship check-in: Step by step Guide
By Lya Serrano
๐ Tipping the toes: today we'll cover
Rituals and Relationships
The best relationship check-in ritual
Best prompts for your relationship check in
I dated "The Archaeologist" for several months...
One of our rituals was having a weekly date with long talks, a glass of wine, and listening to music.
Every Friday night after a long week, we had our weekly date. He came every Friday welcoming me with a sweet kiss, dinner, and in the garden, my favorite glass of wine, the beats of a beautiful gypsy music as he prepared my seat close to him and candles.
Every Friday this scenery would happen in one possible way or another. Over time I started to realize also the rituals he had with other friends, with his family...
I noticed the rituals in this fascinating man. I once shared this with him and he replied: "Humans, we are beautiful animals of rituals"
Rituals and Relationships:
Relationships need rituals. Rituals create security in a relationship.
For Love to flourish it needs security.
Whenever there is a ritual in my relationship is is purposefully set I like calling it a "Functional Ritual". You can think about this like the things that you do every day for yourself that keep you optimal: your morning routine, journaling, sleep hygiene, dinner with your partner every Tuesday, etc.
Functional Rituals are a beautiful wayto keep well-oiled the machine (of your relationship).
They prevent and prepare us for good times - as much as for challenging times. They are both part of life ๐
The Life Dinner
One of my favorite Functional Rituals is "The Life Dinner"
The name comes from an interview Tim Ferriss did with Brad Feld, a multimillionaire and venture capitalist, where he revealed a powerful monthly relationship meeting that he and his wife do: "The Life Dinner"
The Life Dinner is a scheduled relationship check-in with your significant other. It's a functional ritual, to build deeper Emotional intimacy and Trust.
The Life Dinner: How to do the best relationship check-in ritual?
1. Schedule it on the agenda: same day every every two weeks.
๐ Send a google invite to your partner. Agree together what happens if you skip
๐ Set a time frame so it feels light (25 min - 90 min)
๐ Invite joy and fun to this ritual: have this ritual at your fav cafe, sushi take away with cozy music at home, sunday morning after your morning run and brunch, etc
2. Share a Personal update on your life (5 min each).
What are great and not so great things that happened in my life over the last 2 weeks?
3. Share a Relationship Reflection on the previous month (10 min each)
Questions you can ask here can be the following:
I suggest you to follow this order
What are 5 things I love from you?
Whatโs working very well in our relationship right now?
What is something that feels difficult in our relationship now?
What is something that you have done recently that made feel loved/connected?
Important rules on this area:
โค๏ธ I suggest not to bring issues that are back before than the 2 weeks. Perhaps the first time you do it, it happens it's ok. But I invite you to focus on the current state of your connection
โค๏ธ This is a space for you to share and also fight productively. The key for this is to practice being aware if defensiveness comes (invalidate what your partner feels, excuse yourself, sarcasm, contempt, etc). Practice instead attuning to your partner, inquiring with curiosity. For example "How do you dare to bring this up again" => "Feel curious what do you mean when you say XYZ?"
โค๏ธ Focus on sharing "I feel statements" + your request. For example: "I feel disconnected when I come home after work and both of us are tired, and we don't really have too much time together. I would love if we can have a weekly date night only the two of us to have quality time together no matter how busy it gets"
4. Share your Relationship intentions for next month (10 min each). Here some prompts ideas:
What can I do next 2 weeks to make you feel more loved?
What is something that I look forward together with you on the next 2 weeks
๐ Your Turn
The Life Dinner is a simple ritual to take home and start doing. During my 2:1 sessions with couples, we work to build an extended relationship check-in depending the stage of their relationship. However The Life Dinner gives you a good glimpse.
My suggestions to get started
Start messy but start. it might happen that one partner brings the idea to the other one. Commit to the long-term benefit both of you
Making space to Connect is also making space to Resolve (and have tough conversations). Approach it from love, you are training a new "muscle"
Keep the container. Set up a time tracker (start with 60min max). Add a long hug and kiss to start and end the Life Dinner
Yes Go deep, and also don't forget to not take yourself so serious.
Lya Serrano I The Visionary Institute Founder
P.S. Do you want to dive deeper into a more pleasure and purpose based life? Explore here possible ways to work together within tantric programs and courses. Click here
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